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Konami’s Hard Puncher (1988)

Idiocracy Online: Sorry I Raped Your Grandma

 Every guy suffers from a juvenile fixation on sexuality. Some say it’s part of the design, others say that our society makes us perverts. In either case, there’s no denying the psychological gravity of sexual thoughts and how they effect our interest or how we spend our time. However, with that said, there is a time and place for that shit.

In EA’s Skate, the user is provided with a seamless open world city in which he can animate and create any desirable sequence of skateboard tricks. This game is, in my opinion, insanely underrated by the game development community and reviewers alike because outside of the linear story line experience the game provides an extensive and malleable trick library providing the user with a seamlessly endless amount of trick combinations on thousands of skate able objects. The game play here is as open ended as the use of a fingerboard, where your personal actual skill level is the only real limiting factor in what you can or cannot do in the game.

The game even provides a photography and video suite within the game for you to catalog and publish your in game exploits. The seeds were planted here for a very creative user experience and in most cases this does occur. If you search ‘skate’ on Youtube you’ll find numerous home created clips of in-game skate sequences some even mimicking legendary skateboard parts of past real life skaters.

So where did everything go awry? I don’t know maybe somewhere between a still image of a grandmother being ass fucked from behind and the photograph of a skater brutally being prison raped by a security guard. It seems, as soon as this game hit the market there were numerous users who seemed intent on spending their time colliding into pedestrians just for a chance to catch a photographic instance where, from the right angle, the image looked like a blow job/grope/69/donkey punch/ass rape/ or just plain normal sex.

Like I said before, it’s natural for men to infer sexuality where none is present and just common for men to express their sexuality where it is not needed. The bizarre thing here though, is the level of planning and intention that goes into these pieces. Though many are probably just haphazard collisions captured and posted at the whim of your imagination some of these really require a sense of motivation and focus. This goes beyond pausing the screen during Chun-Li’s lightning kick to catch a glimpse of some blurry up skirt muffages. The nature of Skate itself can be random at times. You cannot force the pedestrian AI to do things, so creating an ass rape image requires you to plant a spawn point, knock them over, hope they get up while facing away from you, and then time a butt to crotch love bump at just the right moment… and then add a thumbs up animatic to the mix for that Fonzy flair that says, “Ayyyyy!”.

At first I thought these images would pass, as if the user community was going through a phase. As if they were overwhelmed by all these creative tools and that all they could hope to do was to crotch tackle a helpless geriatric woman in a pink dress and sun hat because they just weren’t skilled enough to pull a true switch tre-flip down a 20 set. That wasn’t the case though. Ironically, the peer to peer rating system designed to filter this stuff is actually promoting it. Currently, at the top of this shit pile are numerous ‘back door grannies’ and haphazard blow jobs all under the ‘highest ranked’ and ‘most viewed’ categories of the Skate.Reel server.

As long as the skate community continues to praise these debased images they’ll continue to be posted and as long as there is adoration there is incentive for people to continue posting this stuff. What should have been a funny Pause moment to laugh at with your drunken friends has now become a user created movement.

Racist Ninja